Ask Attorney Jennifer B.: What are relationship contracts?

A new trend is developing between couples who are looking to define their respective roles and set boundaries, called relationship contracts. Not to be confused with legally binding contracts between two parties, these “contracts” are not typically legally binding but rather intended to be used to establish mutual understandings between those involved in a romantic relationship. They sometimes set dealbreakers, detail expectations, and can evolve over time as the relationship unfolds.

Some may say that these agreements take the romance out of the relationship and make it more like a negotiated deal, but others find that discussing and memorializing their understanding on hot button topics, such as exclusivity, emotional expectations and communication, and respective responsibilities, make navigating the relationship that much easier. After all, each party knows what to expect and most people do appreciate a sense of certainty in life when possible.

To me, these relationship agreements remind me of roommate “contracts” that are now quite common on college campuses. Basically, roommates are often required by their R.A. to come up with an agreement outlining how they will live together—setting boundaries, expectations, etc. Clearly, they are not legally enforceable, but they let each person know where they stand and expectations for their shared living situation. 

Some may confuse relationship contracts with prenuptial agreements, but they are not at all the same. Most critically, relationship contracts (where used to define respective roles of each party and not deal with purely financial or property matters) are not legally enforceable, whereas prenuptial agreements, provided they meet required criteria usually established by state law, are legally binding  contracts which can be enforced by a court. Moreover, prenuptial agreements are conditioned upon a marriage, and the primary purpose of a prenuptial agreement is to establish each party’s rights and responsibilities upon divorce or the death of their spouse.  

While some couples may try to include lifestyle clauses in prenups, i.e. defining conditions on how their marital relationship will take place, such as frequency of intimacy, weight restrictions for each party, etc., these clauses are usually not legally enforceable. That is, courts are not monitoring how much you weigh or what goes on behind closed doors. And furthermore, most lawyers would dissuade their clients from including such clauses in a prenuptial agreement, too.

The one thing that relationship agreements and prenuptial agreements do have in common is that they force parties to discuss difficult topics before they commit to furthering the relationship, ultimately by getting married in the case of a prenup. Understanding each party’s views and expectations on issues such as communication, handling difficult matters, finances, etc., before becoming legally wed is beneficial and can certainly reduce the likelihood of a future divorce.

So, while committing expectations for a relationship to writing is an unnecessary step for most couples while they are still in the dating phase, discussing these issues is probably a smart idea. And if and when, the couple is ready to take their relationship to the next level and contemplate marriage, considering a prenuptial agreement, which can certainly make any future breakup less messy, is something that often makes sense.

With more than 25 years of experience in the industry, Jennifer Brandt’s practice includes all aspects of family law including divorce, custody, support, alimony, adoption, and guardianship matters in both Pennsylvania and New Jersey. In addition to family law litigation, she also negotiates prenuptial, post-nuptial and cohabitation agreements on behalf of clients. In addition to her busy practice, she’s a well-known legal commentator on national news networks including CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, ABC News, Court TV and local and regional television and radio.

If you have a family law issue or would like her to speak about legal issues, you can connect with Ms. Brandt at www.cozen.com.