Partners in Life & Law
Lawyers talk a lot about work-life balance — or lack thereof — in the industry. The issue can feel particularly acute between married couples when both spouses are lawyers. Working long hours, within the same legal community, can bring on personal and professional pressures.
Spouses have another layer to navigate when they choose to join the same firm as co-partners. That’s not to mention when one spouse’s solo practice becomes a co-practice, with both working out of the same office. Issues about running the business, meeting individual career goals, while sustaining a thriving relationship can seem challenging.
Most spouses hope to manage these pressures successfully over the long term, as the marriage and careers both sustain. Toward that goal, here are some tips to make it work and to navigate change as it comes.
Mind your conflicts
Lawyers who are also spouses likely have a highly attuned radar for professional conflicts. While it’s generally permitted for spouses to represent people on different sides of a dispute as long as clients agree, the situation can quickly become more complex.
Professionally, it’s a good idea to seek advice from a local bar association if a sticky situation arises. Personally, it’s wise for spouses to talk about how their statuses as counsel in certain cases can impact their relationship.
Consider your practice areas
Some spouses who practice in the same firm find it more effective to keep their work separate. That might involve sticking to their own files or even handling different practice areas. This can prevent all sorts of potential conflict, from butting heads on different approaches to a case to simply spending too many hours together over a day.
On the flipside, some spouses might enjoy sharing a practice area, even if they do keep their firm files separate. This gives them a colleague with whom to discuss legal issues, especially when the firm is small and the couple is the sole brain trust of the practice.
Leave work at the office
As is the case for most couples who share a professional and a personal relationship, it can help to have a bright line between home and work. This can help prevent spillover between work stress and home life, reducing the strain on the relationship. It can also help both spouses be more productive in their legal work.
After all, many couples who work together often find blurring the lines between the personal and the professional serves neither. That can be even tougher if you’re trying to run a law firm out of a home office. Ensure there’s a separate space for professional work, not just client meetings. Preparing a brief at the kitchen table might work at crunch time, but over too many months or years it can add to overall stress and inefficiency.
Avoid taking it personally
As much as having distinct physical space for home and work is important, so is having distinct mental space. Think of it as different personas: each person has a lawyer persona and a spouse persona. It’s vital to know during an interaction which persona you’re dealing with. A professional dispute need not be a personal one, unless it impacts an area of your home life.
This is when having a clear distinction between home and work life can be particularly important. If these arenas rarely cross during your daily routines, they are less likely to come together during conversations.
Talk through finances
Like all partners who also share a business, it is critical to make a plan of how to handle salaries and disbursements from the practice. If you jointly run the practice, you might plan to put money back into the business as you’re growing your client base. When you’re ready to take salaries, the implications are personal as well as professional.
Try to discuss frankly your plans for your family and business finances. This can be part of an ongoing conversation about how you’re going to manage the working and personal parts of your relationship.
Practice open communication
Beyond the financial aspect, it is important to have regular check-ins with your spouse. This might be especially important as you’re just beginning to combine your professional and personal lives. These check-ins give you the opportunity to discuss what is and isn’t working, so you can make changes for the sake of your relationship and your careers.
As the years pass, check-ins are still a good idea, especially when there’s the potential for change. Having children, making the shift to a new professional role, and other life shifts impact you both and should be discussed.
Ask for support
For all the talk of bright lines between work and home, even the best arrangements are never perfect. It’s inevitable for conflicts to arise, and that’s when looking to others may be your best option.
Let’s take the example of children. As most people realize, parenting isn’t a 9-to-5 (or 5-to-9) proposition. In this case, your home life is going to have an impact on your work life, which might benefit you both if it’s handled in the right way. Take the time to consider if you want to arrange on-site childcare while you are both working, or adjust schedules so one of you can take on parenting responsibilities while the other looks after the firm.
In every scenario where perfection doesn’t arise, it’s great to have others upon whom you can rely. Whether it’s a trusted caregiver for children, a senior lawyer who can advise on conflicts and ethics, or a finance professional who can suggest a model of how to structure the business and the home budget, this person can be the lifesaver you need.
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