Ask Attorney Jennifer B.: How Can Parents Keep the Children in Mind During High-Conflict Custody Disputes?

As family lawyers, we are often called upon to navigate custody disputes, many of which are highly contentious. Parties are often angry and accusatory toward each other, and children can get caught in the middle. The stakes in these matters are also enormous – no parent wants to sacrifice time with their children, and when conflicts escalate, the emotional fallout typically affects the children involved no matter how much the parties try to shield them.

Our primary obligation is to advocate zealously for our clients. However, while their children are not our clients, we cannot ignore the profound impact these disputes may have on them. In our role as counselors, it is imperative that we help our clients remain mindful of how their actions may affect their children’s emotional and psychological well-being. It would be a disservice not to remind clients that the stress, anxiety and loyalty conflicts often present in custody cases can influence not only how children view each parent, but also how they form future relationships with others.

Given the dual role of advocate and counselor that we assume in custody matters, there are several strategies we can employ to better serve our clients while keeping them focused on the best interests of the children. After all, this is also the standard that the court will typically use in assessing the outcome of their matter.

First and foremost, to the extent clients can view the situation from the children’s perspective, rather than solely through their own lens, they may be able to form more rational and child-centered decisions. It is also important to stress that custody disputes are not about winning or losing. For example, while one parent may feel victorious by limiting the other parent’s time with the children, such an outcome may not best serve the children’s needs and may, in fact, be detrimental to their development. Whenever possible, helping clients reach a compromise tailored to the family’s unique circumstances is preferable to a schedule imposed by the court. If parties cannot reach such a compromise directly or with the assistance of respective counsel, there are methods of alternate dispute resolution that can prove helpful.

When agreement proves impossible, and particularly when serious concerns about a parent’s behavior arise, involving neutral third parties can be invaluable. Appointing a guardian ad litem ensures that the children’s voices are heard and provides the court with child-focused insight. Similarly, custody evaluators can assess the broader family dynamics and offer informed recommendations to the court as to custodial outcomes. In cases where mental health concerns are alleged, psychologists can provide critical evaluations that help determine whether – and how – such issues should influence custodial arrangements. Parent coordinators can also be instrumental in helping parents resolve ongoing, smaller disputes and support more effective co-parenting.

Ultimately, while we must listen carefully to our clients and advocate for their positions, we also bear the responsibility of guiding them toward decisions that protect the best interests of their children. Divorce and custody battles are deeply emotional, often clouding judgment with anger and resentment. As lawyers, we must bring clarity to these fraught situations, helping our clients achieve outcomes that not only serve their immediate interests but also lay a stable foundation for their children’s futures.

With more than 25 years of experience in the industry, Jennifer Brandt’s practice includes all aspects of family law including divorce, custody, support, alimony, adoption, and guardianship matters in both Pennsylvania and New Jersey. In addition to family law litigation, she also negotiates prenuptial, post-nuptial and cohabitation agreements on behalf of clients. In addition to her busy practice, she’s a well-known legal commentator on national news networks including CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, ABC News, Court TV and local and regional television and radio.

If you have a family law issue or would like her to speak about legal issues, you can connect with Ms. Brandt at www.cozen.com.